The Dads Book provides practical parenting ideas and support when you need it. Looking after yourself helps you be the dad your kids can count on.
Whether you’re a new dad, have been parenting for a while, a stepdad, or a grandad raising moko, this resource is here to support you. Being there, listening, laughing, getting it wrong and trying again, your care, patience, and presence leave a lasting mark on your tamariki.
This isn’t about being a perfect dad. It’s about recognising what you’re already doing well, staying open to learning, and looking after yourself. Parenting has changed since you were a kid, and it takes courage to do things differently.
The Dads Book offers practical guidance, real-world ideas, and encouragement for both the tough days and the good ones. It also connects you with support when you need it, because looking after yourself is part of being there for your kids.
Inside you’ll find:
When you play with your kids, you’re not just having fun – you’re building a strong, loving relationship that helps them feel safe, confident, and connected. Through play, kids learn how to communicate and kōrero, take turns, solve problems, try new things, and bounce back when things go wrong. It supports their learning, their friendships, and their sense of who they are.
Create a nature hunt like – Hunt for:
Kids and teens can have big emotions that they don’t yet know how to express. What looks like a meltdown over something small is often about feeling unsettled or overwhelmed. Your calm response helps them feel safe and learn to manage their emotions.
REMEMBER: You’re not trying to raise kids who never get upset. You’re raising tamariki who know that emotions are normal, and what to do when they show up.
That’s powerful stuff – lifelong skills and learning.
Instead of shutting feelings down (“You’re fine”), try naming the emotions:
“That didn’t go how you wanted – you’re really frustrated, aye?”
This builds their emotional language and supports them to calm by helping their brain make sense of what they’re feeling – processing their emotions.
When your child or teen is upset, they need your steady presence – even though it’s hard to keep your cool sometimes, it’s important that you do.
“I can see you’re angry. I’m here. You’re safe.”
Stay close and calm, even when they’re yelling or lashing out. That’s how they learn to return to calm too.
Support your child or teen to find calming tools that work for them. Talk about these when you’re all relaxed, and practice often (e.g. at bedtime or during play).
Breathing exercises are a must-have – tummy breathing supports us all to calm down. Actively relaxing – Some kids (and adults) need to be active to work through big emotions. Try jumping or stomping emotions out
Mindfulness strategies – becoming very ‘present’ is a great way to engage the full use of our brain in order to start to calm down. Some options are:
Name 5 things you can see – This brings us back to the present moment
Feeling your feet on the floor, in your shoes, in your socks – this helps to ground us. Having a calm place to go – some kids like to have a calm spot where they can head to whey they want to settle their emotions. Have some fun creating this – some cushions, a book, fidget spinners, reminders to practice their tummy breathing… Note: this is not a “naughty” spot – it’s a safe space to reset.
Kids regulate better when they feel connected, so be sure to spend at least 15 minutes each day playing. As well as this practice listening and chatting together, sit together to eat kai as much as possible and have some rules about screen use – theirs and yours too!
You can help your child or teen understand emotions and build emotional language just by chatting about your own or commenting on books or shows you’re watching:
“I felt tired today. What about you?”
“She looks sad aye? I wonder what could help?”
Co-parenting can be hard, especially when the relationship with your co- parent is strained. But your kids are at the heart, and that’s where your focus needs to stay.
Being a good dad isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present, safe, and loving.
Taking honest steps toward change builds trust and connection again.
Use the SMART goal guide on page 22 to support your first steps.
You’ll find a list of support services in the centre of this pukapuka.
You’re not alone. There is help.
Tamariki need dads who look after themselves too.
Supporting dads helps protect children. Your donation keeps fathers supported, present, and able to be there for their kids when it matters most – whether that’s through one-on-one guidance from one of our Fieldworkers, parenting education, or help navigating the Family Court system.
Home Page