His relationship had disintegrated, and his partner had gone, taking their two children with her. Paul had been a stay-at-home dad to two pre-school girls he adored. Now he found himself unable to see them. Left alone in what had been their home, the silence was deafening, echoing the huge void he felt in his heart.
“My lawyer referred me to Kidz Need Dadz,” remembers Paul. “I had already met Ethan when he came to do a talk at the Stopping Violence programme I was doing. My lawyer saw that I needed more support. At the time, I didn’t really think so.”
It was weeks before Paul was able to see his children. These visits were supervised and restricted to just one hour a week in a small room at a community centre.
Paul began meeting weekly with Ethan from Kidz Need Dadz. While not replacing his lawyer, Ethan helped Paul gain a wider understanding of the court process and what he was going through.
Ethan also accompanied Paul to meetings with lawyers and his former partner, helping to mediate an increase in the time Paul was allowed to see his children.
“This made a massive difference to me and my kids,” says Paul.
He was beginning to believe that there was hope.
While Paul was in a much better place, it was clear there also needed to be a focus on his wellbeing and on making positive changes. This became a key part of his one-on-one weekly sessions with Ethan.
“We worked on exercises to help me manage my emotions,” Paul says. “I got better at focusing on myself and my kids and not worrying about outside noise, as Ethan put it. He also helped me with tools to better look after myself. Simple things like getting some exercise, drinking less alcohol, and making sure I got enough sleep.”
Paul speaks openly about his past meth use and knew he needed to stay clean for his children.
“Ethan encouraged me to attend a relapse prevention programme, which I still attend. The best part was I never felt judged. With lawyers, you sometimes feel judged.”
Paul began the year with a clean hair follicle test. Accompanied by Ethan, he attended a roundtable meeting when the courts reopened in February. While unsure what to expect, the outcome was positive. Paul was granted unsupervised contact with his children, and within weeks, they were able to stay with him overnight.
“It’s been a hard journey, and it’s still not easy,” Paul says. “But my life is so different now. I’m clean from drugs, and I have my children. Next week I start a part-time job.”
“Ethan encouraged me to go to a budgeting service, which I hated but knew I needed. Kidz Need Dadz went above and beyond, not just with the legal and court stuff, but in helping me change how I was living my life.”
Paul remains in touch with Ethan every two to four weeks, or whenever he feels he needs support.
“I couldn’t see it at the time, but my lawyer was right. I did need support, and I can’t imagine where I would be now without it.”
*Names have been anonymised to protect privacy.
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