Support & Growth

Our team understand the challenges that parents face. Kids Need Dads courses will support parents from all backgrounds become engaged, confident, connected parents.

The courses are delivered by post or email, module by module so clients can manage at their own pace. We will provide feedback and encouragement as you progress through the programme. On completion we will provide you with a Certificate confirming your accomplishment.

Discovering Fatherhood
A comprehensive 10-module course including: baby brain, early development, safety with toddlers, emotional development and navigating teenagers, plus understanding our own parenting style. This provides great information, tips and strategies for parents. Contact us to register for this course.

Watch this space for more KND courses coming soon…

The Blokes Book is a free directory of local health and wellbeing services for men. There are two booklets – these cover the Wellington region and Horowhenua/Manawatu region.

The Blokes Book is an amazing resource that provides local information and direct contact details for a huge range of male-related topics and services.

We can provide booklets free of charge. Contact us to place an order.

The Blokes Book is a free directory of local health and wellbeing services for men. There are two booklets – these cover the Wellington region and Horowhenua/Manawatu region.

The Blokes Book is an amazing resource that provides local information and direct contact details for a huge range of male-related topics and services.

We can provide booklets free of charge. Contact us to place an order.

Writing an affidavit can bring up strong emotions, especially if you feel hurt, frustrated, or misrepresented. You may want to correct every accusation or respond to what feels unfair. Try not to use your affidavit to argue with your ex or react emotionally. A calm, well-organized affidavit that focuses on facts and your child’s wellbeing is more likely to be taken seriously by the Court.

Your affidavit is:
✔ FACTS
✔ DATES
✔ EVENTS
✔ CHILD-FOCUSED

Not:
✘ Rants
✘ Insults
✘ Attempts at diagnosing your ex
✘ Historic Relationship drama

Simple Formula

WHAT happened
WHEN it happened
HOW it affected the child
WHAT you did about it

Bad Example
❌ “She is a manipulative narcissist who keeps cancelling visits.”

Good Example

✔ A visit was agreed for Saturday at 10am. At 9:30am she texted to cancel and the visit did not occur. A similar situation occurred the previous weekend on Saturday 6 May. A visit was scheduled for 10am. At 10:15am I was advised by text that the visit was cancelled, after the scheduled start time.

Keep It Simple

✔ Each subject Named before each paragraph
✔ Short paragraphs
✔ One event per paragraph – with line numbers
✔ Use dates
✔ Stay calm
✔ Attach proof where possible = Exhibits

Examples of proof:
– screenshots
– school letters
– medical reports
– photos
– parenting calendars

Focus On The Child
The Court cares most about:
– safety
– stability
– routine
– schooling
– medical care
– parenting involvement

Important
✔ Follow Court orders
✔ Stay respectful in messages
✔ Keep records
✔ Write facts, not emotion

Even when things feel stressful, a clear, calm affidavit will be given more weight than one written in anger.

General information only. Not legal advice.

Receiving a Protection Order can feel overwhelming. You may feel shocked, angry, or that the situation is unfair. You may even feel like you have already been judged. Take a breath. A Protection Order is serious, but it does not mean you have no options.

Stay calm and avoid reacting emotionally. Read the Order carefully, follow its conditions exactly, and do not contact the protected person.

You do not need to solve everything today. Focus first on understanding the Order, getting legal advice as soon as possible, and putting the right support around you. What you do from this point forward matters.

IMPORTANT: Read everything carefully. If the Order is temporary, you may have the opportunity to respond or challenge it, but strict time limits can apply. Missing those deadlines may mean the Order becomes final, so it is important to get advice quickly.

·       Read Carefully – You may only have 10 days to respond

·       A Protection Order is legally enforceable.

·       Even accidental breaches can cause serious problems.

·       These Orders can also be challenged through the Family Court process.

·       Stay calm

·       Follow the Order exactly

·       Do not contact the protected person

·       Do not try to argue your case directly

·       Get legal advice earl

·       Even if your ex-partner contacts you first, do not assume it is safe to respond. Seek legal advice before responding or doing anything that is not clearly permitted by the Order.

Your behavior from this point matters.

DO

·       Read the Order carefully

·       Save messages and paperwork

·       Talk to a lawyer

·       Stay respectful and child-focused

·       Keep away from conflict

DON’T

·       Argue or react emotionally

·       Post online about the situation

·       Ignore Court paperwork

·       Use friends or family to pass messages

·       Don’t assume the applicant will change their mind

When Emotions Are High

·       Stop before sending messages

·       Reread messages before sending

·       Ask yourself if it could make things worse

·       If unsure, don’t send it

Focus On Today

·       Eat

·       Sleep

·       Stay around supportive people

·       Keep focused on your children

·       Take things one step at a time

·       Exercise

Remember

This situation feels overwhelming now, but panic, anger, or retaliation usually make things harder.

Small calm decisions matter more than big emotional ones.

Need Support?

·       1737 → Free mental health support

·       111 → Emergency

·       105 → Police non-emergency

·       Family Court NZ → justice.govt.nz/family

General information only. Not legal advice.

Discharging a Final Protection Order

A Protection Order does not automatically have to be forever. You can apply to the Family Court to have it discharged if you can show it is no longer necessary for protection.

Things to work on:

·       No breaches of the Protection Order.

·       Good communication, calm, respectful and appropriate.

·       Take responsibility for past behavior rather than blaming others.

·       Self-development, such as counselling, parenting or family violence programs

·       Show real change over time, not just promises.

·       Address the original concerns that led to the order.

·       Be child-focused when children are involved.

·       Follow all Court orders and conditions.

Keep evidence of your progress, such as programs certificates or counselling records.

The Court looks at your behavior since the order, whether the original concerns still exist, and the risk of future family violence.

Important: Applying for discharge is not about proving the original Protection Order was wrong. It is about showing that things have changed and the order is no longer necessary. Seek legal advice before seeking to discharge a Protection Order.

General information only, not legal advice.

Separation can be an extremely challenging time, with emotions running high on both sides. In the initial stages of a break-up, it’s common to feel lost, confused, alone, and searching for answers.

The decisions you make during this time can have lasting consequences, especially when children are involved. Separation can have a significant impact on children, who often feel the effects of conflict, uncertainty, and changes in family life, even when those impacts are not immediately visible.

Taking steps to separate safely means being mindful of your actions, managing conflict where possible, and making choices that protect your wellbeing, your future, and your relationship with your children. Careful decision-making now can help prevent situations from escalating, support healthier co-parenting & or parallel parenting, and create greater stability for everyone involved.

Communication Tips

Communication during separation can be difficult, especially when messages feel provocative, unfair, or emotionally charged. When tensions are high, the biggest challenge is keeping your responses steady, even when the other person is not. How you respond can make a significant difference to outcomes, especially for your children.

·       Keep messages brief and factual

·       Focus only on the children’s needs

·       Avoid insults, blame, or sarcasm, even if provoked

·       Pause before responding and take time to settle before replying

·       Confirm agreements in writing

·       This is not about accepting poor behavior. It is about protecting yourself, reducing conflict, and keeping communication focused on what matters most, your kids.

✔ DO

·       Stay calm and respectful

·       Keep communication child-focused – important

·       Save messages and document incidents

·       Follow all Court and Protection Orders

·       Get legal advice early

·       Look after your mental and physical health

·       Reach out to your supports

·       Be especially careful with alcohol

✘ DON’T

·       Fight over text or social media

·       Use children as messengers

·       Ignore legal documents

·       Breach Protection Orders

·       React emotionally or aggressively

·       Don’t think the applicant will suddenly change their mind

If You’ve Been Accused of Family Violence

If a protection order has been issued or allegations have been made, it is important to take the situation seriously and get support as early as possible. You do not have to navigate this alone. Speaking with a lawyer and reaching out to support services can help you understand your position and what steps to take next.

·       Read the order carefully

·       Follow every condition exactly

·       Do not contact the protected person if prohibited

·       Save all communication and evidence

·       Get legal advice immediately

·       Stay calm and avoid confrontation

NZ Support Services

·       Mental Health Support: 1737

·       Police Emergency: 111

·       Police Non-Emergency: 105

·       Family Court Information: justice.govt.nz/family

·       Community Law: communitylaw.org.nz

Website Disclaimer: This guide provides general information only and is not legal advice.

Te Whare Tapa Whā: The Four Walls

Taha Tinana: Physical Wellbeing

Looking after the physical body and physical health.

• Healthy eating: eating nutritious, balanced meals.
• Exercise: walking, gym, sport, swimming or cycling.
• Sleep: getting enough rest each night.
• Healthcare: seeing a doctor or dentist when needed.
• Personal hygiene: showering, brushing teeth and wearing clean clothes.
• Avoiding harmful substances: reducing alcohol, smoking or drug use.

Example: Going for a 30-minute walk each day and improving your diet can strengthen your physical wellbeing.

Taha Hinengaro: Mental and Emotional Wellbeing

• Looking after your thoughts, feelings and emotions.
• Talk about problems: speak with someone you trust.
• Manage stress: take breaks and recognize when you’re overwhelmed.
• Healthy coping strategies: exercise, music, hobbies or relaxation.
• Ask for help: access counselling or professional support when needed.
• Build confidence: recognize your strengths and achievements.
• Set achievable goals: work towards small goals instead of trying to change everything at once.

Example: Talking with a friend or mental health professional when feeling overwhelmed can help you understand and manage your emotions.

Taha Whānau: Family and Social Wellbeing

• Having healthy relationships, connection and a sense of belonging.
• Spend time with whānau: make time for family and important people.
• Maintain friendships: stay connected with supportive friends.
• Communicate: talk openly and respectfully with others.
• Ask for support: reach out rather than dealing with everything alone.
• Support others: help whānau and friends when they need it.
• Join social activities: clubs, sports, community groups or social events.

Example: Having dinner with whānau regularly gives an opportunity to talk, connect and support each other. Kids Need Dads runs regular Dads Group meetings that can be helpful when feeling isolated. Sometimes just being around people, such as going to a café, can help also reduce isolation.

Taha Wairua: Spiritual Wellbeing

• Your values, beliefs, identity, culture and sense of meaning or purpose. It does not have to mean religion.
• Connect with culture: participate in cultural practices and traditions.
• Practice religion or faith: prayer, Karakia or attending a place of worship if this is important to you.
• Connect with nature: spend time outdoors, at the beach or in the Ngaere.
• Understand your values: think about what is important to you and why.
• Have purpose: work towards things that give your life meaning.
• Connect with identity: learn about your whakapapa, culture or where you come from.

Example: Spending time in nature or participating in cultural practices can help someone feel connected, grounded and give them a stronger sense of purpose.

When Separation Feels Overwhelming

Separation can turn your life upside down. Your home, finances, parenting arrangements, daily routine and relationships may all change at the same time.

You may feel shocked, angry, frightened, sad, guilty, lonely or overwhelmed. Your emotions may change from one day to the next, or even from one hour to the next.

These reactions can be a normal response to a major life change and loss. They do not mean you are failing.

For now, focus on getting through today, rather than trying to work out what happens next.

You may be experiencing:

·       Too many changes at once
Housing, finances, work, parenting and everyday life may suddenly feel uncertain.

·       Grief and loss
You may be grieving the relationship, your home, family life as it was, time with your children, or the future you expected.

·       Strong and changing emotions
Sadness, anger, fear, guilt, loneliness, anxiety or even relief can come and go.

·       Your mind going over and over things
You may replay conversations and arguments, analyse what happened or wonder what you could have done differently.

·       Difficulty switching off
You may constantly check your phone, analyse messages, expect conflict or find it difficult to concentrate.

·       Disrupted sleep and routine
Stress can affect your sleep, appetite, energy and ability to function normally.

You can know a relationship needed to end and still grieve its loss.

What can help.

You do not need to fix everything immediately. Start with the things that can help you feel more stable.

Deal with one thing at a time

·       Make a list of what needs attention and focus on the next practical step.

·       Ask for help with things such as housing, finances, parenting or legal matters. Getting advice early can prevent problems becoming bigger.

Create some structure
When your normal routine disappears, create a simple new one.

Try to:

·       Get up and go to bed at roughly the same time.

·       Eat regular meals and drink enough water.

·       Get outside and move your body each day.

·       Keep doing things that give your day purpose.

·       Maintain regular contact with supportive people.

Your routine does not need to be perfect. It just needs to give your day some structure.

Give yourself time to respond

Strong emotions can make it harder to think clearly.

Before responding to an upsetting message or situation:

·       Pause.

·       Step away if necessary.

·       Take some slow breaths.

·       Go for a walk and take some time out

Look after your sleep

Racing thoughts and poor sleep are common during periods of high stress.

·       Keep a regular sleep routine where possible. Get daylight and physical activity during the day. Avoid using alcohol or drugs to help you cope or sleep.

·       If sleep problems are severe or continue, talk to your GP or another health professional.

Stay connected

Isolation can make a difficult situation harder.

·       Talk to someone you trust. This could be a friend, family member, counsellor, GP, EAP or another support service.

·       You do not have to carry everything on your own.

Keep children out of adult conflict

Where it is safe and possible:

·       Keep arguments and adult issues away from children.

·       Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent or criticising people involved in their life.

·       Maintain familiar routines.

·       Reassure them that they are loved and that the separation is not their fault.

·       Avoid using children to pass messages between parents.

If there are concerns about family violence, threats or safety, seek specialist advice.

WHEN THINGS ARE GETTING TOO MUCH

Most people need support at some point during a difficult separation. Getting help early is a strength, not a failure.

Look out for:

·       Severe or ongoing lack of sleep

·       Increasing isolation

·       Drinking or using drugs more than usual

·       Extreme or uncontrollable anger

·       Reckless or risky behaviour

·       Feeling hopeless or that there is no way forward

·       Feeling like a burden to others

·       Thoughts about death or suicide

·       Thoughts about hurting yourself or someone else

If you notice these signs

Talk to your GP, counsellor or Employee Assistance Programme (EAP).

In New Zealand, you can call or text 1737 at any time to speak with a trained counsellor.

If you are in immediate danger or cannot keep yourself or someone else safe, call 111 or go to your nearest emergency department.

FOR TODAY
You do not have to fix your whole life today.

Try to:

1. Eat something and drink some water.

2. Get outside or move your body.

3. Talk to one person you trust.

4. Deal with one practical problem.

5. Pause before responding to conflict.

6. Get some rest.

Remember

Separation is a major life change. It can take time to adjust.

You do not have to have all the answers right now.

Focus on staying safe, looking after yourself and taking the next step.

Things can become more manageable with time and support.

safety comes first.